The purity economy

I will remember the pinecones most of all, spiky nubs half buried in crumbly gray soil and tangled in dried grass fronds, the sensation of stepping on a Lego over and over again but deep in the countryside, the constant dodging and weaving like the forest floor is lava. I will remember the scent of...

Everything is true and none of it happened

This is a work of fiction. Although it draws from real experiences, both mine and those of others, any attempt to identify “real” people or events will come up empty. As a whole it is emotionally true to my experience as an evangelical teenage girl in the early 2010s, even though it is not a documentary.

Stations: a meditation

“I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.” Matthew 25:40 MSG This year, as I thought about the Passion, I tried to consider, “Who am I in this story, in this scene, and who are we, collectively? How do...

Dance with me

I am standing in the middle of the space we have cleared for dancing when it happens. I look around and find my counterpart, the sorry excuse for a best man, arguing with the bride, who has just finished her first dance with the groom. My hackles rise. Who picks a fight with a bride...

So you think you can be a substitute teacher

This year I was a building substitute at Northwest Junior High, meaning I reported to the same building every day but usually subbed in a different classroom, sometimes as a teacher, sometimes a paraeducator, but always something. I've grown to love the job more than I thought I could, and it's with bittersweet feelings that...

“The Lord Bless You and Keep You”

I couldn't help but share this video here. The Seattle Children's Chorus, a choir I used to be a part of when I was a teenager, put together a socially-distanced concert, including an alumni collaboration of John Rutter's "The Lord Bless You and Keep You." It's the SCC's benediction, sung at the end of every...

The God who sees

CW: sexual violence against women In Genesis 16, Abraham and Sarah sinned. I have always been taught that their sin was failing to trust that God would follow through on the promise of future children and taking matters into their own hands by getting Hagar to bear a child for them. Nobody’s perfect, am I right?...

Sandcastles against the tide

I want to spend my life loving God and all that God has made. It’s such a massive and ridiculous ambition that I’m sure I’ll never achieve it, but I try to start with what (and who) is in front of me. But love has a cost: rejoicing with the rejoicing and weeping with the weeping of every person touched by that love.

Don’t look away

When my family visited the Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington, D.C. in early 2018, we waded through the thick mud of photograph after photograph and text upon text documenting horror after horror until the weight of it dragged tears out of our eyes. By the time we reached the exit, I was exhausted. But before...

Riding trains

I love riding trains. It’s the only mode of transportation that I wish would never end, the slow sway of the cars and leaning turns soothing my frazzled spirit, the liminal ground of the station my home away from home. Every train station looks alike, no matter what continent you’re on or what language the...